Good Morning Sunshine

 I woke up thinking about trees this morning, specifically MY trees. Well, they used to be my trees.

 Months ago my ex partner and I made a trip to Washington, where I fell in love with the japanese maple. After returning from our trip I was convinced that I could grow them successfully in our climate. I was overzealous and extremely cautious, preferring to try and grow them indoors under artificial light during the winter to which they stayed dormant. I impatiently waited for spring to approach and as March faded into April I moved them outside and within weeks they burst to life. After months of trepidation the trees were finally alive and flourishing, I was ecstatic, however, anyone thats ever lived in Las Vegas before knows that spring is short lived and leads very quickly into the scorching summer heat. The trees became sunburned, the leaves turning crispy, and I was forced to bring them back inside. I grew confused and irritated at myself for trying to force them to grow in a climate they were just not meant to be in. Eventually deciding to leave them on the back porch where the light was filtered and only shone for a few hours each day. This new placement worked out well. The trees started to come back alive and new growth was spurting from the stems. The last heat of the summer started to fade weeks prior to my departure and though, unknowingly at the time, I moved them out front into the sun the day before I left. 

So this morning I woke up thinking about THE trees. Wondering and hoping that they would still receive their every other day watering. I knew deep down inside they probably wouldn't and sadness crept in. Sadness that they weren't my trees anymore, sadness that my ex partner would be managing everything in the house all on her own. My brain still thinks I live there. It wants to think that it still has a home. 

I received a text from my friend this morning reminding me that I wasn't alone. It felt good to get that message. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my ex partner right after we broke up two months prior. She reminded me that we didn't have very many people in our lives and that we were still family, that we could and should lean on each other if we had to. After getting that text from my friend I had the overwhelming feeling to reach out to her and let her know that even though she wanted space from me I was still there if she needed.

I didn't send the text. After dwelling on that a bit more I realized that my situation was different from hers. She still had her home, job and her daily routine of structured life to cling to. She still had the security and comfort that life would continue uninterrupted. She was the one who left me. I imagined her waking up next to someone else today and not needing that text from me. She would be okay.